Tis the season to be stressed…

I am stressed. Burnt out. Put a fork in me.. I am DONE!

I know everyone refers to this time of year as the silly season, most years I manage to dodge most of the silliness and keep calm and collected and look forward to a nice holiday.

This year I am pining for my holiday, wishing away the days, wanting to curl up into a ball and wake up in New Zealand on Xmas morning with my family and not endure the next 17 more days.

Currently, I am house hunting – again. I moved into my current house in July, and we have just received notice that the lease will not be renewed and that we need to be out on 13th of Jan. We are overseas in New Zealand from 24th Dec – 4th Jan.  I am trying to see if we can finish our lease and move before we go on holiday , so I can relax and enjoy my holiday and not have to stress out as soon as I get back. However this means we might be moving in like a week!

We had hoped to have my partners Father into care this week, however there was a miscommunication between the family member we had asked to help make an appointment and the facility, which resulted in the bed being given to someone else.

Plans for Christmas with my partners sisters chop and change at the drop of a hat. “We are coming this day, going that day, flying, change the dates, now driving, nope flying, lets have dinner this day, oh we might not do dinner anymore or maybe another night”. This frustrates me to no end. I am a planner, I like to make plans in advance and keep them. To me; that is considerate to the other people who may possibly be involved somehow in my plans. It seems these siblings do not have the same respect, and expect everyone to just fall in when and if they ever commit to some type of plan. It drives me up the wall and just adds to my stress.

I think having my partners Father living with us now is really starting have effect. Not with my partner and I and our relationship, however it does just make things uncomfortable for us, and we are in desperate need of some alone time. We had our hopes pinned on 2 weeks living on our own before xmas to sort out our move, pack, unpack and just enjoy each others company in peace before we head to NZ to my family. I think I am REALLY disappointed the nursing home has not worked out for the moment. Not only for my partner and I , but also for His Dad. He needs more care, he needs stimulation and company with people of his own age. He is declining, and it is a very sad thing to see everyday, I hate to see him that way and hate that I can’t really do anymore to make the current situation better for him.

Adding to this, one of my partners work mates took his own life on the weekend. This news came just after we had remembered another friends birthday over the weekend who also took his life earlier this year. This has really shaken my partner. Their work site has been shut down, as the incident took place at the site. There has been a grief counselling meeting today which everyone attended. In these circumstances, my partner copes best when he can just get stuck into the work that he loves doing, to keep his mind and body busy. With the site shut down, and loads of time on his hands, he is finding it really difficult and I worry about him.

At the end of the day, I know I have no control on any of these external events, I can only control how I react to them and feel about them. I am trying really hard to not just fall in a heap, I just want to cry, but i know that its not going to help anything and it only makes my partner worry about me. I am currently writing a little list of things I am grateful for, things that make me happy. So on days when everything just seems to much and I start to get overwhelmed I can reflect on this list of wonderful things that are in my life.  Taking joy in the small things in life is important, especially when things seem so out of control and so hard to hang on to. But, enjoying a swim in the ocean, or a play in the park with the dog, a really good coffee and chats with great friends are things that are easy to come by and bring me joy. If i can focus on all the good that I am blessed to have around me, hopefully this stressful, hard time will turn into a blur.

 

xx

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Tis the season to be stressed…

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