So naturally, when you lose a fair bit of weight, some significant changes come along for the ride. Changes like improved health and wellbeing, increased energy levels and fitness and a change in dress size and a change in the way we see ourselves, and also the way others see us.
In my last post I mentioned about posting a “before and after” progress picture and the fear I felt in doing so. One of the fears I did not mention in that post was about the way I saw myself. When I put the pictures side my side, I see a HUGE difference, it doesn’t even look like the same person, however I have a fear that when I meet someone in person they might be like “oooh so that “after” photo was obviously taken at a really good angle” like somehow I appear thinner in the photos than I do in real life.
When I look in the mirror, yes I see changes, and am really happy with the changes I see, however I don’t see significant changes in the mirror, it’s not a dramatic change in my eyes, I’m still a fat girl, I still have a spare tyre round my stomach (so maybe it’s just one now, instead of three). This is just one of the changes that I am learning to deal with. And I am certainly not saying that I am not happy with how I am, absolutely not, this is the happiest I have ever been in my life, it’s just sometimes, as most women tend to do, we don’t always see ourselves in the best light.
On the other hand, one of the other changes that comes along with weight loss is how we see ourselves in a good light, like when you manage to get into that goal outfit, or climb that mountain and you feel on top of the world and you want to shout it from the rooftops “LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE ACHIEVED AND DON’T YOU KNOW HOW BLOODY HARD IT WAS TO GET HERE”. Sometimes I feel rather insecure when I am feeling my best, It’s a very odd feeling, how do I take compliments, I’ve never really had to deal with many compliments before? Do I sound like a really obnoxious a**hole when I am talking about how far I have come? I am not posting weekly progress pics and weight stats on social media so everyone knows step by step my achievements, I have kept it pretty personal I think and just chugged along day by day, so I don’t think that I am shoving my progress down anyone’s throat (please if anyone knows me, correct me if I am wrong on this J ), I am so proud of what I have achieved and yes I want to tell people about my progress, but I feel so anxious and conscious about coming across “stuck-up”. I wonder if my friends find me annoying now, I was never confident before, are they finding my new found confidence annoying? The last thing I want to do is push people away, I am so grateful for the people that have stuck by me and supported me, and been such true friends. I am terrified of losing those amazing people.
I was chatting with a friend last night who has gone through a similar transformation to me and she also feels the same, anxious about being obnoxious, so I guess it’s just a natural feeling to have when you have lost a significant amount of weight. For both of us, our weight has always been a struggle, since a very young age, there was never a time that I was confident in how I looked and felt about myself, so at 31 years old I am discovering this for the first time and it’s a very peculiar journey, but a journey I am very prepared to continue on, who knows where it will take me and I am sure that once I “grow” into my new self, I will feel more comfortable about how I come across to other people and more importantly, how I come across to myself.