Guess who’s Back..

Well here we are again… it’s been a minute since i’ve taken the time to write down some of the things that have been going on. 

And there certainly has been a lot going on over the last 2 years. I have definitely felt a lot more like my old self, a lot less like the person I was working so hard to be – my true self. 

Over the last 2 years, I have given birth to my 2nd beautiful Son, meaning I had 2 boys under 2 (Send wine). We have entered a Global Pandemic , enduring lockdowns, restrictions, mask mandates, and separation from family and friends. 

During this time, I went back to work when Bohdi was 3 months old, which hurt my heart in more ways than I could have ever imagined. My husband lost his job due to the pandemic and started his own business. The company I was working for went through a merger, and we spent months waiting to find out if my job was safe or not. 

So to say it’s been a big couple of years, might be a little bit of an understatement. 

I do feel like there has been a downward shift in my mental health during this time, where I have wholeheartedly refused to take care of myself, using babies/work/stress/pain/lack of time as an excuse. I no longer feel like myself, although I do recognise this feeling, but I made a promise to myself that I would never get back here… and i didnt keep that promise. 

Not only have I put back on a decent amount of weight, I have suffered with severe anxiety and depression, neither of which makes me feel great and both have fed into each other making each situation harder than it should be. I do not feel like I have been the best mum or wife I could have been, I dont have alot of photos of me with the kids, because I don’t like how I look, I really want to change this. I want to feel better, be more comfortable and confident, I want to keep up with my extremely active kids. 

I am ready to take on the challenge to make some changes and turn my life around again… I have done it before, I can do it again. I am going to be gentle on myself, slow and steady wins the race, I am excited to feel strong and fit again, I am excited to wear 50% of my wardrobe again. I am excited to show my sons how fun I can be. 

Wish me luck … 


Guess who’s Back..

So we did a thing 

I was a day late … and I knew … I just knew!! 

Like I said in my last post .. since coming off the pill, I could set my watch to my periods, they were so regular .. and not 1 cycle had been a day late since. 

It was a Wednesday morning.. we had a wedding to go to on the weekend, so my head and heart was racing at a million miles an hour, I had to take a pregnancy test because I didn’t want to overindulge at the wedding if I was pregnant, that was one train of thought, the other train was all like “don’t be ridiculous, you’ve “tried” once, it doesn’t happen like that” then the third train was all like “all aboard …. we’ve done it..! We’ve bloody gone and got preggers”

My husband had the day off work that day … he was a groomsman in the wedding we were going to so was helping groom with last minute things .. anyway, he was in the kitchen whilst I anxiously waited for that test to brew … he had no idea that any of this was going on, so when I pulled the stick out of the cupboard and flipped it over and saw those words PREGNANT 2-3 Weeks, I was stunned, like actual disbelief. I took a few minutes had a wee happy cry and pranced down the hall to my unsuspecting husband and was all like “sooooo, we did a thing”. 

So we did a thing 

Let’s start at the very beginning.. it’s a very good place to start … 

We had a plan … we discussed it .. once we got back from our honeymoon, I would go off the pill and get my body back into a regular cycle. Or see what sort of cycle I would have .. you see, I have PCOS .. and had been on the pill for about 15 years, so didn’t really know what was going to happen. 

I lost close to 50 kgs a few years ago in preparation for hopefully helping my PCOS and being able to have a baby .. so went to see a Gyno just to discuss options and things to do given my age and history… at 33 I was absolutely not getting any younger. 

The doctor told me as my periods were super regular ( I could set my watch to my periods-it was bizzare- prior to weight loss and being on pill I has noooo idea when I would get one or how long it would stay around for) try for a baby for 6 months and if nothing happens go back to him and we could discuss pre IVF treatments. I had always thought that might have to be a possibility, but to hear if from a doctor was quite emotional. 

Anyway, I went home, via the chemist .. I got a stack of ovulation tests, pregnancy test and downloaded a few different ovulation tracker apps to prepare myself. This is October 2016. Now I had said to my husband that I didn’t want our “lovemaking” to become a scheduled chore to produce a baby .. to get worked up about exact times and days .. not to start with.. I wanted us to enjoy the process as much as possible… so basically when I knew I was coming up to my ovulation stage I would let my husband know what days could be good for some time between the sheets and then let him make his move! 

As it was coming up to xmas, we had family around and lots of engagements well into the new year, so it wasnt the most productive time, but we had decided come mid feb, we would start getting more serious with trying. That’s when I would count our “6months” of trying from. 

So mid Feb rolled around .. and we rolled around … and it was only just the beginning … 

Let’s start at the very beginning.. it’s a very good place to start … 

A bit less time .. a LOT more love …: 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written here … the last 12 months have been a whirlwind … I am currently sitting here with my 5 month old baby … yup … I had a baby …. the last time I wrote, I was not even pregnant … so like I said .. it’s been a while.

I’ve been wanting to write, to get down on “paper”, some of my thoughts and journeys I have gone on/ going through with motherhood .. because there is certainly a lot to write about … so I might just do that .. I might just write about what’s happened .. and what is happening, because this ride has change me forever .. in the best possible way … I 100% have a lot less time for myself than before .. but I have so much more love in my life and so much love to give. 

Motherhood is by no means for everyone, I can understand why some people decide it’s not the right path for them, however this is absolutely the right path for me, I feel so complete, this was totally what I was meant to do with my life. 

So I might just start at the very beginning.. 
#pregnancy #maternity #babyblog #bloggermum #mumlife #babybrain #lifewithbaby #breastfeeding #breastfeedinglife 

A bit less time .. a LOT more love …: 

Dear Ashy

I’ve recently been inspired to bring a bit more positivity into my life and into the lives of others where I can.. from simply letting my friends and family know how awesome they are, or telling the girl in the cute dress in the supermarket that she looks amazing. I know how amazing it makes me feel when someone gives a genuine compliment and I want to share that feeling with others… there is so much negativity around – it hurts when I see someone trying to do something good, being slammed. So I’m spreading the love, and I’m starting with one of my fav fit girls I love to follow. Who knows if she’ll even see this, but it’s out in the universe… I’m sure the love will get around.


Dear Ashy Bines

I was watching your recent snaps from your little vacay in Hayman with Tarte Cosmetics (LOOKED SENSATIONAL by the way) and one of the things that you said ( a few times) actually really stuck with me.

You were obviously flabbergasted with all of the (let’s be honest – FRIGGIN AMAZING) gifts bestowed upon you and you kept saying how “lucky” you are.

Honey, luck has nothing to do with… I am a true believer in the old phrase “The Harder you work, the Luckier you are”. And I really feel this for you.

This was no random lotto win, no “right time, right place” kind of occurrence – you were hand picked out of god only knows how many people, because you have created a brand and a business that has become so successful, it is internationally recognised and it has become this way because you work so hard for that. And I want you to know.. there are random people (like me) that look at you and recognise that.


I know that you have copped a heck of a lot of criticism in the past, and still do today for mistakes you’ve made… but show me a business person who hasn’t made errors? And perhaps I’m just a weirdo, but to me, it makes you real. A real life human being who has made some boo boos – like 99.9% of the rest of us.  When I am looking up to someone for inspiration, I find it easier to get that inspiration in knowing that, that person is a human. That person slips up – but gets back up again, that person has bad hair days – and like me, is not all that flash at doing a hair do other than a top knot, that person sometimes doesn’t want to get out of bed, but does, because she has a job to do. That person has the same 24hours in a day that I do, it’s how we choose to spend then that differentiates us. (I think you spend yours waaay better than me, but I’m working that), and that person is a working mum and still kicks ass every day, and has a healthy life and healthy body to be proud of.


So Ashy I want to thank you. I want to thank you for putting yourself out there and making such an amazing business/life/group/community, because there is truly nothing better in the world then trying to help others.

Thank you for making mistakes and overcoming them and showing us that our errors in life don’t have to stop us, we can use them as building blocks to rise up again.

Thank you for being so open and honest and showing the tough life behind the scenes – again, the human factor is everything.

Thank you for not always being a glammed up hot babe… the 4am snapchats, being unglam is so much easier to relate to than a 24hr glamazon.

Thank you for getting dressed up and being a hot babe and sharing your nights with the girls and date nights with Steve – it’s important for other mums to see they can be hot babes after a baby and its ok to get dressed up and feel good about themselves.

Thank you for making Raw… its so awesome and inspiring so many people

Thank you for sharing your workouts and recipes – to the masses and a lot for FREE… it takes time and money for you to film them for us, and its great!

Thank you for working so utterly hard to give your followers the content and inspiration

Thank you for not letting the haters crumble you  – haters are always going to hate, no matter what, but always remember “What Alison says about Ashy, says more about Alison than Ashy”


It really is so inspiring seeing a chick from the Goldie smashing #lifegoals out of the park, following you and seeing what you’re about has really made a difference in my life, will I ever have a flat tum, probably not, but I will have an awesome role model and better health, so when I get up in the mornings and pound the pavements of Brisbane at 5am.. I know not too far down the road on the gold coast.. my fitness inspiration is doing it to.. and that is kinda cool.

So Thank you Ashy.. you are appreciated, keep it up!



Dear Ashy

I’ll have some double standards on the rocks thanks.

So there seems to be so much hate  and non-acceptance in the world at the moment and I am finding it increasingly hard to take.

When did people become so nasty? Why is one person’s point of view better than another’s?

I had always believed that our differences were what made each other unique and special, not better than someone else, not worse than someone else.

What I am seeing a lot of at the moment is negativity towards the younger generations, specifically The Gen Y’s (my era) and the Millennials.

I am in a workplace where I am the only Gen Y, by a long shot. Conversations within the office are often about “Ye Goode Olde Days” and of course I couldn’t possibly contribute because I have no idea.

However a lot of conversations get turned to the “youth of today”, “the lack of respect”, “the lack of knowledge and understanding”, “the screen obsessed generation”, “social media obsessed”, “Lazy, entitled generation”. The negative comments that get made about my generation and the ones that follow, are hurtful and simply untrue.

Yes of course like every group of people there are a few “radicals” that give a group a bad name, however, as a majority the “youth of today” are good people,  hardworking, driven, kind, thoughtful people. Some of the most successful people I know are from my own Generation and they have got there by gritting their teeth and defying the odds that were stacked against them, not because they are lazy or entitled.

I am going to give some examples of things that I often see in a “Baby boomer vs Gen Y” explanation.

Each morning when I arrive to work, there is often 1 sometimes 2 baby boomers in the office already, at desks, steaming cup of coffee in hand, I head to kitchen to get my heart starter- kettle is empty. I fill up kettle make myself a brew, top kettle up, and boil again, its nearly peak arrival time, someone will be walking through the door any minute craving their caffeine hit, how good for them, they only have to wait 1 min instead of 5 for the kettle to boil? #youarewelcome #fromthethoughtlessgeny #maybeitsjustme

In the supermarket, as I walk the aisles searching for my weekly provisions, I step to the side to allow the older lady with her trolley through, she stops, blocking me in with nowhere to go, she decides to turn around mid-aisle, right where I am patiently waiting for her to go past, and rams trolley into me. There was no “excuse me” “Im sorry dear” nothing. Instead I apologized for clearly being in her way.. and I got a snooty look and a grunt. #genyhasnomanners

Often there are conversations in our office about “this younger generation” so obsessed with technology, always on their phones, have to share everything on social media, can’t live without their technology, whatever happened to just making a phone call or writing a letter.

Let’s look at some facts about the above (o.k. probably not actual fact, but bloody good points if you ask me).

  1. Emails are a quick and cost effective means of communication that travel worldwide in an instant – why, when this technology is available, would you, on the regular, send an actual letter that you actually need a response to? NEVER, that’s when. Don’t get me wrong, me and friend are still “pen pals” and write actual letters from time to time and its awesome… never practical, but its lovely.
  2. Maybe back in “ye goode olde times” people didn’t travel so often, and that’s ok, that how it was back then, you knew the people on your street, maybe the one over and that was it? You may have had the weird alternative aunt who lived at the beach a few hours away. However, in the “now” people travel, to new cities, new countries, and people make friends from these new places, yet still want to keep in contact with people from home and so on and so forth, Social Media is great for this, it allows a snapshot into someone’s life that you are interested in, you can see their achievements and awesome paleo meals or baby vomit updates from wherever you are, and in a big wide scary world, when you are miles away from your family and friends, keeping in contact like this, brings those people to the palm of your hand, and well that’s just beautiful.
  3. And yes whilst a lot of Gen Y are really on the tech bandwagon, it’s the way forward – get on board or get left behind. I can’t imagine little Marmie, who used to hand wash all her clothes in the river because it was the only way, screwing her nose up at the automatic washing machine? I don’t think great granny would have said “no thanks, I don’t need a refrigerator, this old ice box works a treat”. Its progress… its going crazy fast, but this is the world we live in, it can’t be turned back. Technology doesn’t have to “rule” your life to make the most of it.
  4. My final point…. When you have an issue with your technology, who you gonna call fix all of your problems because you knew better and didn’t read the install instructions? An educated, hardworking, tech obsessed Gen Y or Millennial , that’s who.

Acceptance of new and change also seems to be something that is a significant stand out point in this generational warfare.

We have to have the radio station on some classic hits station because the oldies don’t like this new/head banging music. But I have to put up with and LIKE their old/head banging music.

It frustrates me that the acceptance regards to music or technology or equality or progress is so hard for some older generations, when they are here living in this world alongside us, yet us younger generation are expected to respect and understand the trials and tribulations of a world we were never a part of.

Of course each and every single era in time has my complete and utter respect for the sacrifices made that has allowed us to live in this world as we know it. Nothing can take away from the brave men and woman who have given everything for the future generations. But perhaps some need to be reminded that today, right now, there are many of my generations people giving everything they have for us today and for those that come after us.

This is not to say that one generation is better than the other, it’s to understand that each is different and has a very different set of skills and experiences. If we can learn to embrace each changing generation instead of tearing it down, what a world that would be.

There are some treasured things from older generations that will never be old and I find myself turning to these more often, nothing makes me feel better than making a big batch of old fashioned vege soup just like my Nana used to make. Making something for someone instead of store bought. However seeing my friends be successful regardless of their age, race, gender or sexual preference, because our world is slowly becoming more accepting is inspiring and being able to keep in connect with friends all over the world with a click of a button makes the distance between home and wherever we wander that little bit shorter.


I’ll have some double standards on the rocks thanks.

Antisocial Social Media

Antisocial social media…

So I’m going to have a rant..

We live in a world where everything is at the touch of your fingers, email, text, facebook, twitter, insta, google etc. you can reach people on the other side of the world in seconds with one press of a button. The information and images at our disposal are endless. We sit behind our keyboards and peer into other people’s lives from the comfort and privacy of; well anywhere we like these days.

And I love it!

I love seeing what friends from far away are doing, what my fave celebs are wearing, what fitness gurus have for breakfast and how some random stranger has achieved something, If I want to send someone a funny meme about chicken wings I can google it and boom it’s in my message and its great.

What I don’t love is the hate that is associated with social media.

And I am not talking about the “the youth of today are so obsessed with their phones” type hate (that’s another rant for another day), I am talking about the hate that gets inflicted upon someone who chooses to post on social media.

Why do people think that it is ok to write such nasty hate messages to someone they have never met/know nothing about – except for what is visible on their media pages – and let’s be honest – we ALL know that only the best pics and good things in life are posted on social media – regular joes like me do that, and the super mega stars of the world do it too.

There has been so much negative media about social media and enough is enough.

Why is it ok to tear someone down because they are happy with themselves, or their achievements?

Why is it ok to spew hatred about one particular group of people because of a few extremist?

Why is it ok to judge someone on their sexual orientation?

Its never been OK to do such things, but it has been accepted to do so – for a really long time.

What gets me the most is the attitude of “Well they put themselves out there on social media, they should expect to get some criticism”. This is something I 100% disagree with. It’s like saying “oh she dates a violent guy, she should expect to get abused”. Does that make it ok?

This needs to change – NOW. Just because we have become immune and it’s something “that always been done” doesn’t mean that its ok.

Just because something is the way it is, doesn’t make it right.

You know what, if I don’t like someone’s nude selfie, or their political or religious view point – I just scroll on past. I do not launch an attack of my opinion on to them, they have not asked me for it.** SHARING ON SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT THE SAME AS ASKING FOR AN OPIONION** (unless opinion is specifically request – i.e Does my butt look big in these jeans) And No, I didn’t ask to see that persons naked body or that other persons backwards viewpoint on the LBGT community – however they are either a celeb type person I have chosen to follow or they are my own friend/acquaintance that I am connected to on some type of media platform. If I don’t like what they want to share – or their opinions and don’t want to see them I can simply unfollow/unfriend or just turn off seeing their posts. SIMPLES!

I often wonder, what would happen if, for a 48 hour period, people only wrote positive comments towards others.

Instead of the hate comments directed to a beautiful active fit pregnant 1st time expectant mother, how bout saying “You’re growing a human in that toned body of yours and that is a beautiful thing”.

Instead of bashing a young girl who has posted her weightloss/weightgain/something, who has clearly struggled with self-esteem issues and body issues, how bout saying “beautiful then, beautiful now”.

Instead of slamming that celeb who lives their life in front of the camera, shows the highs and lows for their fans to see, how bout saying “You are really brave”.

Perhaps we should consider only commenting things we would say to that persons face. Like if you ran into those people on the street, would you say those same nasty comments to them?

Perhaps people need to remember that “What Sarah says about Sally, says more about Sarah than Sally”.

My general rule for commenting on anything on social media is this:

If I do not like it – Nil Comment, scroll past – or if I find it super offensive – unfollow/unfriend

If I like it – say something to that effect i.e. “That dress looks great” “oooh your acai bowl looks delish where is that from”

It does not matter if someone is tall, short, fat, skinny, famous, rich, homeless, gay, straight, male or female, black, brown, white or yellow, this religion, that religion OR anything in between. IT DOES NOT MATTER. If you cut each person, each person would bleed. We all stand under the same sky and sleep under the same moon, we all have something great about us, something to offer the world, regardless of how big or small that something is. Don’t be mean to each other.

And if all else fails, my mum always told me “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

I would rather appear quiet than ignorant.

Spread some love today xoxox

Everyone loves music right, perhaps if we all listened to the words of some famous lyrics the world might be a better place:






Antisocial Social Media

Tis the season to be stressed…

I am stressed. Burnt out. Put a fork in me.. I am DONE!

I know everyone refers to this time of year as the silly season, most years I manage to dodge most of the silliness and keep calm and collected and look forward to a nice holiday.

This year I am pining for my holiday, wishing away the days, wanting to curl up into a ball and wake up in New Zealand on Xmas morning with my family and not endure the next 17 more days.

Currently, I am house hunting – again. I moved into my current house in July, and we have just received notice that the lease will not be renewed and that we need to be out on 13th of Jan. We are overseas in New Zealand from 24th Dec – 4th Jan.  I am trying to see if we can finish our lease and move before we go on holiday , so I can relax and enjoy my holiday and not have to stress out as soon as I get back. However this means we might be moving in like a week!

We had hoped to have my partners Father into care this week, however there was a miscommunication between the family member we had asked to help make an appointment and the facility, which resulted in the bed being given to someone else.

Plans for Christmas with my partners sisters chop and change at the drop of a hat. “We are coming this day, going that day, flying, change the dates, now driving, nope flying, lets have dinner this day, oh we might not do dinner anymore or maybe another night”. This frustrates me to no end. I am a planner, I like to make plans in advance and keep them. To me; that is considerate to the other people who may possibly be involved somehow in my plans. It seems these siblings do not have the same respect, and expect everyone to just fall in when and if they ever commit to some type of plan. It drives me up the wall and just adds to my stress.

I think having my partners Father living with us now is really starting have effect. Not with my partner and I and our relationship, however it does just make things uncomfortable for us, and we are in desperate need of some alone time. We had our hopes pinned on 2 weeks living on our own before xmas to sort out our move, pack, unpack and just enjoy each others company in peace before we head to NZ to my family. I think I am REALLY disappointed the nursing home has not worked out for the moment. Not only for my partner and I , but also for His Dad. He needs more care, he needs stimulation and company with people of his own age. He is declining, and it is a very sad thing to see everyday, I hate to see him that way and hate that I can’t really do anymore to make the current situation better for him.

Adding to this, one of my partners work mates took his own life on the weekend. This news came just after we had remembered another friends birthday over the weekend who also took his life earlier this year. This has really shaken my partner. Their work site has been shut down, as the incident took place at the site. There has been a grief counselling meeting today which everyone attended. In these circumstances, my partner copes best when he can just get stuck into the work that he loves doing, to keep his mind and body busy. With the site shut down, and loads of time on his hands, he is finding it really difficult and I worry about him.

At the end of the day, I know I have no control on any of these external events, I can only control how I react to them and feel about them. I am trying really hard to not just fall in a heap, I just want to cry, but i know that its not going to help anything and it only makes my partner worry about me. I am currently writing a little list of things I am grateful for, things that make me happy. So on days when everything just seems to much and I start to get overwhelmed I can reflect on this list of wonderful things that are in my life.  Taking joy in the small things in life is important, especially when things seem so out of control and so hard to hang on to. But, enjoying a swim in the ocean, or a play in the park with the dog, a really good coffee and chats with great friends are things that are easy to come by and bring me joy. If i can focus on all the good that I am blessed to have around me, hopefully this stressful, hard time will turn into a blur.



Tis the season to be stressed…

The uncertainty of things that are uncertain

I am a notorious planner. I like to plan things, I like to take control and organise things, and I am often anxious when I cannot make plans and organise things, I feel like things will turn out terribly.

At the moment, we are still in the long process of getting my partners father into a care facility. The procedure is taking a lot longer than we had originally thought it would. So things are still not settled in that regard. So planning to get my partner living with me asap is on hold until that is sorted.

Also, my partner is in the process of joining the Army. He has just about completed all of the requirements that are needed – medicals etc, and he has been approved, pending said medicals, for the roles he has applied for. However, once the medicals are all submitted and approved, it is again, another waiting game. Right now, they cannot give us a certain “call up” time frame. Like will he be going in before Christmas? Will it be early New Year, is it only going to be the middle of next year, and interfere with all of our wedding plans?

This uncertainty is doing my head in. I hate it when things are so up in the air, I do not do very well when everything is so uncertain. Especially when it comes to the big things, I like to be really organised, well in advance. There is 10 months and 2 weeks until our current scheduled wedding day. I have the big things locked in ie: Celebrant, venues, dress, cake, photos, video etc and have paid deposits for what I needed to lock in, however I am now at a stage where, until things are more certain, I don’t want to organise anything else, but I want everything organised. My head and heart and pulling in all directions and its very frustrating.

As we have recently moved, I am also looking for a new gym, I really enjoy going to the gym and need to go regularly. However, in regards to the Army situation also, if my partner goes in to the Army in a month, there will be 6 months of training then he will be posted somewhere around Australia, it could be in Brisbane, where we currently are, or it could be in Darwin, or Townsville, or some other place, miles away from where we are at the moment, so should or shouldn’t I join up to a gym and sign a contract for 12 months?

Christmas is another dilemma. This Christmas is my family’s big Christmas get together, we do it every other year. It is meant to be the 1st one that my Partner is coming to. With what is happening with his Dad going into care, and the Army, we are uncertain if he is going to be able to come. I have to go, my Mum is celebrating her 60th Birthday over the holidays and its my Niece’s 1st birthday. I am all booked to go, however if we wait to much longer its going to be completely unaffordable for my partner to go, plus trying to get the dog into the Kennels last minute never works out well.

As I type this, feeling super anxious, stressed and frustrated, I think joining a gym and signing a contract is a good idea regardless of what the future holds. A good heavy work out calms me down, settles my nerves and makes me more clear headed. In the uncertainty of things that are uncertain, I am certain that I will never regret one of those work outs, and then I can just let everything else work its self out.

So right now, things are a bit less certain and a bit more stressful than I like, however I am certain that once everything starts falling into place, everything is going to work out ok….. But please have your fingers crossed for me in the meantime.


The uncertainty of things that are uncertain

3 days in..

So, I have had a bit of a “hiatus” from my normal healthy eating / exercise programme. I was blaming the long commute to and from work, the stressful environment my fiancé and I are in with caring for his father, and the cold winter months and its comfort foods (its winter in Australia now).

However, now my long commute has stopped, we have rented a house within a 20 minute drive to my work, I am there on my own during the week, so literally have full control of my meals and can cater them to exactly what I need, I have waaay more time to exercise, morning or night – so why not both right? Its the perfect time to start again.

The situation with caring for my partners father is starting to ease. Although at the moment there is more work involved with caring as his condition is starting to deteriorate, the process of being able to get him into proper care has started so there is a light at the end of that tunnel, we will be able to take a breath knowing that he is being cared for properly and my partner and I will be able to have some quality regular one on one time. We have been caring for his father since we got together, and although I would never change that situation, it has been amazing being able to support and help get his Dad to the best health he can be in, it is also time for my partner and I to focus on our relationship.

So here I am .. 3 days in to my return to looking after my health and fitness and this morning I dragged myself out of bed to do a 30 min walk before work, my legs were tight and sore from my at home workout last night, I had lemon water with my breakfast and go to work feeling full of energy and ready to start the day. I haven’t felt like this in a long time.

I have a mini goal to work towards, I am catching up with some of my best friends at the end of August, they are all going to be my bridesmaids, we are heading out for dinner and drinks and I have this super cute dress I want to wear, however, its a little snug, I would LOVE to be able to wear the dress comfortably and with confidence, so I made a promise to myself to make good use of my time with good activity and be very mindful of what I am putting in my mouth.

Those good feelings about myself are starting to come back. I had lost those for a bit, I was starting to feel self conscious, frumpy and awkward again. Starting to doubt myself and be anxious, the negative thoughts I used to feel about myself always, slowly seeping back into my brain space. Its really hard to keep those thoughts at bay when things aren’t going so well and when there is stress around, I start to doubt everything in my life, the decisions I am making, my relationship, my friendships, not feeling worthy of those good things. It can be very unsettling having come so far from that place, but realising it can be just around the corner again if I let it. Good food and good activity/exercise really is such a good mood enhancer for me now. It works pretty instantly, it doesn’t have any bad side effects, and I know that I feel the way I feel because I let those good things slip.

So here I am .. 3 days in, feeling alot better, being mindful, so here’s hoping that mini goal and that cute dress are achievable.


3 days in..